slip-sliding away…..

The sun kisses my face
as I sit here in my empty bedroom.
At utter and total peace:
outside –
the subtle symphony of the birds,
the gentle breeze rustles the leaves,
and calm permeates the air
on this gloriously sunny Winter morning…
“Sun”day indeed.

There’s peace inside, too:
Peace in not being bound to anyone,
no tasks for another (big or small),
no responsibilities:
freedom,
total and complete.

I know this calm is only temporary:
it’ll be over in a few hours.
This home’s inhabitants will return,
as will the accompanying tasks
of seeing to children,
tidying up messes,
and preparing for the next working day.

But in the moment,
I have this present –
this gift of solitude,
this food for my reflective soul:
one which,
in years gone by,
would write
pages and pages,
(and pages):
the pouring out
of my heart’s troubles,
my dreams and desires,
my anguish
of the self-imposed mental chains
which so depressed me,
tying down
a soul that just wanted to fly
and find happiness.

Those days were not all dark, though.
They were infused with rays of hope,
Priceless moments
of intimate connection with my Creator;
a bond that I’d trade for nothing in this world
(or the next).

For I had no one but Him,
and He was enough for me.

My confidant,
my comfort,
my constant Companion,
an eternal Refuge
from the storms of my mind.

And though I no longer feel it
as strongly as I once did,
I know He is still with me;
still hearing my inner thoughts,
my expressed desires,
my raging anxieties and insecurities.

Still responding,
in ways I see,
and ways I perceive not…
always giving me what’s best.

So as I enjoy these limited moments of serenity,
I look forward
to a future in Paradise,
where this will be a state of permanence,
and maybe –
just maybe –
I’ll remember this very day,
and look back with overflowing gratitude
for the glimpse He gave me of what awaits.

Peace.
Peace.
Everlasting peace.