Here’s another piece from my book – Let it Flow. If you like what you read, please consider purchasing the full book. The details are at the end of this post.
Mash
Before I forget,
Let me scribble down
the thoughts I wish to express –
record for my own self,
as a memory of this moment of my life.
Before I move on,
let me remember the feeling
of being submerged in the biggest part of my planet;
Wave after wave,
gentle and rough,
smoothly-contoured and wildly spread;
Jumping into,
under,
facing head on,
and turning my back;
Being moved by the never-ending forces of push and pull,
so vastly spread in oceans off every land mass in existence.
Shall I remember?
The outrage and mourning?
Of hundreds being massacred each and every day,
by an enemy whose heart is black –
forever stained by the crimes they’ve committed against the innocent.
The innocent they wish to wipe out,
all for a small worldly gain.
Yet their arrogance in the earth
will earn them all that they deserve in Eternity;
If only they remembered –
If only they believed.
Shall I recall?
The memory of grandparents passed;
Laid to rest under lumps of soil,
never to speak again in this world,
yet their legacies live on
through children now grown up,
with new generations following the established cycle of life:
From conception to birth,
childhood to marriage,
parenthood to death,
and so it begins again.
Shall I spare a moment?
In thought of the seed I’ve planted,
the precious little one who now grows each day
in the womb of his/her first university;
The mother-to-be,
whose pain I’ve not understood,
whose frustration I can only listen to – but never feel.
Shall I stop to think?
Of the aspirations we have for our little bean:
how much we hope (s)he will live out the dreams we never could,
contribute to this world that which we were not strong enough to;
For it seems our destiny was not to fulfil these bold ambitions –
but to lay the foundations for the next generation,
who will start their journey much earlier than we,
and exhibit the nobility of character we ourselves could not attain.
—
Now that I’m back,
let me continue
this hodgepodge of themes and thoughts,
and things that sit inside,
stifled by the busy-ness of life,
never finding their way into written expression.
Let me marvel
at the growing love that manifests itself before my very heart,
spending precious moments
with the little soul that has been entrusted to my care.
Let me imagine
all that I want to do for her,
help her with,
protect her from,
teach and mould her to be.
Let me enjoy
the moments of the evening where she lays sprawled out on me,
tired from her day of playing, eating, fussing, and sleeping.
Let me express
my amazement at this miniature being,
who is now so utterly dependent on us,
yet in a few years
will be doing her own thing,
perhaps – in innocence – making much mischief,
needing near-constant supervision.
But before then,
can I stop to think of my own ambitions?
My own desire to use my abilities and passions
in ways that benefit others as well as myself.
Will I ever have the time?
To let loose that which is in me,
for a prolonged period,
seeing my potential manifest before my eyes:
in words,
in images,
in conveyance of goodness from the depths of my being,
to the malleable hearts of those in search of direction.
Yet the guidance comes not from me,
but merely through me;
And maybe – just maybe –
someday, I’ll find a larger stage to put forward
amalgamations of inspiration,
knowledge,
creativity,
and eloquence,
while still being cautious of the pride that could creep in
and corrupt my intentions,
thereby destroying my reward.
Before the thoughts run dry,
let me end here,
returning to my ‘normal’ life:
the day-to-day,
seven to four,
routine action to routine action –
broken up only by weekends.
But hoping to see – more constantly – the bigger picture:
that this life is not just an aimless Matrix,
but rather a means to a bright future –
which requires striving in the present,
a long wait until the end,
and,
by God’s mercy,
everlasting Peace as the final destination.
Date written: Part 1 written in January 2009; Part 2 written in October 2009
Background:
I wrote this over two very different periods, the words flowing into a mash-up of thoughts weighing on me in each sitting. The opening encapsulates my feelings of swimming in the ocean again – for the first time in maybe 15 years. It also touches on a disturbing war that was in progress at the time, along with the thought of my first child, who was but a tiny bean in the womb at the time.
The delayed second part, captured a little after her birth, is predictably dominated by early sentiments of her future and my own fatherhood. The conclusion alludes to feeling trapped in a dead-end job – ironically when I felt I was at the peak of my personal writing. I so wished that this could translate into a full-time career, but it felt too high an ambition – given that writing alone doesn’t seem to be a sustainable career for the vast majority of the world’s writers. Hope remained, though. It still does.
The full book – Let it Flow – is available electronically via Amazon Kindle, Google Play Books, Apple Books, Kobo, and more. A print edition is available in South Africa via direct order.
If you’d like to see more, click the image below for a comprehensive sample:
slip-sliding away..... 