"When you flow from Arafah,
remember Allah at al-Mash'ar al-Haram.
And remember Him,
as He has guided you,
for indeed,
you were before that among those astray."
- (Quran 2:198)
When I ‘flowed’ from Arafah,
I wandered alone
through human and vehicular traffic,
a detour on desert sands,
before finally arriving at Muzdalifah.
Combined salaahs in a park
which was unknown to my people;
then up and down that plain –
again
and again
and again.
A hive of activity:
busses and bikes,
sirens and lights,
but no familiar faces in sight.
Alone within a sea of millions.
But –
like my entire life prior –
Allah was with me.
Always with me.
And though I knew,
in my mind,
that reliance on Him was paramount,
I needed all that time –
those hours of separation from the others;
the anxiety,
the fears,
the desperation,
the tears –
to bring it to life
in my heart.
For it to move beyond
just a concept;
a virtue discussed and praised;
for it to become real:
a quality truly known
only when one lives
through times when it’s all you have left.
And though I asked Him for help,
time and time again,
it felt
like none came.
Was He rejecting me?
Turning me away
after the peak of my spiritual life
just hours before?
No.
It was a lesson being taught:
that He knows
what the best solution is,
and we do not know.
That He knows
when the timing is right,
and we do not know.
And when breaking point came –
midnight,
when the masses would move back towards Mina,
I set out,
alone once more,
with no confidence
that my chosen road
would take me back
to the company
of those whose presence had eluded me all night.
But I had to try,
and try I did.
More walking
and phone calls,
and being lost
even on Mina,
until –
eventually –
I arrived home
to the arms of the one who loved me,
and the tents
which finally gave me a base
after wearying hours as a nomad.
One never knows
where lessons will come from.
So when things go wrong,
embrace the journey,
look for the wisdom,
and trust
that your Lord is with you…
Always.
Notes:
“Tawakkul” means reliance on God.
The full story behind this poem is here.
slip-sliding away..... 