slip-sliding away…..

It’s a season of transition.

Those of us in the Southern hemisphere have just passed the real start of Spring (which was around the 23^rd of September – rather than the more convenient 1^st of September, which is commonly touted as the season’s start).

It marks a time when the nights are rapidly contracting, as we head towards those long and lazy days of Summer, when kids (and teachers) get their best holidays of the year, and those of us not fortunate enough to share their calendars suffer through the envy of long breaks we’ll never again have. With 2 kids and a teacher in my house, I go through it year after year…

Anyway, as much as I begrudge the coming of that season – especially because Winter is my favourite – I realise that these phases are required in life. It’s perhaps a mercy of our Creator that we go through four distinct seasons per year, lest we get bored with the same external conditions, week after week, month after month.

I observed a beautiful airiness today. Though the ocean is 15 kilometres away – and on the other side of the mountain – we often get the smell of the sea here, along with seagulls who grace our skies, providing some variety to the usual starlings, pigeons, and doves which are most common on this side of town.

The light, too, was magnificent. It was sunny, yet still cool. The clouds above floated like cotton candy, yet they weren’t grey or menacing. A welcome departure from the heavy skies of our extended Winter, which threatened rain more often than ever in my memory of living here (and culminated in a record-breaking deluge last weekend).

Those sentiments, perhaps, were mirrored by my own physical state, which was almost perfect again after a terribly painful condition a week prior, when I almost faced emergency surgery after the most agonising night of my life. (The operation will likely still happen, though the timing is unknown as yet.)

But, while the physical transitions are evident especially now, lately, I’ve been noticing a shift in my own state, too.

Since turning 40 nearly three years ago, physical ailments have become alarmingly frequent. Maybe not as frequent as they will become, but still very noticeable for someone who very rarely suffered from injury or even sickness prior to that milestone.

And to me, it’s a reminder that this earthly vessel I inhabit is heading downhill – which I always knew to be the case, but never really felt tangibly until recent years. In my 20s and 30s, I didn’t really feel any different as the years passed. Age was just a meaningless number, and I felt neither old nor young.

But a while after 40, I suddenly felt more strain than usual after exercise. And I’d get hurt without knowing it. One time, I sprained my wrist while sleeping. And a few months back, in the middle of a run – after a break – I suddenly developed what ended up being a painful muscle spasm, which took a few weeks to settle (though it still lingers on at times).

And if these are the ailments at age 42, I shudder to think how much worse it could get if I pass 50 or 60. I have a low pain threshold, after all.

Anyway…

Something else I’ve noticed of late has been the different generations around me. For example, in the mosque I go to, it’s common to see the older men (my father’s generation), and then men of my generation with their sons. And, just as the older ones are companions – talking business or crime or cars or whatever else ‘normal’ men talk about – so too do the kids gravitate towards each other, naturally.

And I think about that. I think about how those older men – “masjid uncles” (as they are affectionately called) – were once these little boys, bound together by this shared space of worship. And how, maybe 40 or 50 years from now, these kids will take those positions.

And I observe them from a distance, not belonging to either generation. Not young enough to be considered a youth anymore, but not old enough to be an old man.

In fairness, even though I’m probably squarely in the middle of that generational gap, I feel more like the old men. This body regularly reminds me of that.

And my perception of time simply exacerbates it.

I think back to my early working life. My early and mid-20s. That was 20 years ago. Two whole decades.

It’s been a long, long road to this point in my life. 25 years since my final year of high school.

But when people talk about time – in any context, but especially milestones like that, they usually paint a picture of time ‘flying’. They talk about how some distant period of their past was “just the other day”.

And I wonder: does everyone feel that way? Does the rest of the world – or at least the many people who parrot the same cliches – do they really, truly, honestly feel that time is moving that fast?

It’s incomprehensible to me, because I’ve never felt like that. Time crawls for me. I feel like I’ve been here forever, even though some would call 42 a relatively young age.

But I felt like this even at age 22. Like I’ve lived many, many lifetimes.

Of course, they’re all just phases of a single lifetime. But our perception is our reality. And my perception has been that my life has been extraordinarily long.

And I wonder why it’s like that. Why do I feel the weight of time in this way?

And are there others like this, too?

I know that there are. There’s a label for it: “old soul”. And looking up that term will bring up many listicles which would put me squarely into that category.

But I don’t particularly like labels. I don’t really care about whether certain characteristics indicate that I’m this or that, because it’s silly to pigeonhole people into categories. Each of us is unique. And although we may share certain traits, it doesn’t necessarily mean that two people under the same label are very similar.

Regardless, the question I’d like answered is not the “what” behind all of this. It’s the “why”.

Maybe I’ll find out some day. Maybe not. And if not, I’m content for it to remain a mystery, because we’re not meant to know everything in this life. But, that being the case, when I move on to the next realm, it’s definitely one of the many questions I want to know about…