slip-sliding away…..

42 trips
around the sun.
Many lifetimes
in this drawn-out perception of mine:
time that stretches so far back,
feelings of centuries lived.
Yet I’ve survived less
than half of one.

On this day,
I’m grateful
for my parents,
who always did their best for me.
Who still do so much,
even in their rapidly-advancing years,
where their age shows,
and I’ve seen and am slowly stepping over
the threshold
that marks
the direction of dependence
in the parent-child relationship.

Such are the cycles of life,
for as I sit –
ready to step into a new phase of life,
so too are my children
growing fast.
And in time to come,
if I live to see old age,
they, too, will cross this line
as I descend
into frailty and dependence.

Yet my parents can breathe easy,
rest assured
that I will be taken care of,
by the life companion
who accompanies me:
my partner and soul mate:
the one who’s stood by me
15 years
(and counting);
a gift to me –
the answer to
a dua made
over
and over
and over
during years
of torturous
yet beautiful
isolation.
We take care of each other –
with all our flaws and weaknesses,
insecurities and failings.
For Allah brought
(and kept)
us together:
a journey of matrimony
to ease the passage
through this earthly existence.

And greater than all this,
My Closest Companion –
with me since even before
my soul found residence
in this earthly casing.
My Creator,
Sustainer,
Nourisher,
Protector,
and Closest Confidant.

The One
to Whom I owe everything,
and to Whom I am returning.

And in priceless
yet fleeting moments,
I am overcome
with Love.
Imagining…
trying to imagine…
His warm embrace –
cocooning me
when I’ve passed beyond this life.
How I would ask
about all the mysteries I never solved,
and learn all the reasons –
wisdom behind
events in life
which I couldn’t understand
when in the thick of them.
Yet I trusted in Him…
I knew that He was in control all along,
and so,
my heart was assured –
at rest –
knowing He’d bring me through it all.

But before I get to that point,
He alone knows
How long I have to go.
What paths I must walk;
What obstacles I must overcome;
What joys await
in this life…
this hodgepodge
of good
bad
and everything in between.

A world of
people
and
places
and
never-ending tasks.
But also
moments of reflection
and gratitude,
and un-expressable beauty –
all combining to form
a life
which is my only chance
to earn His Pleasure,
and make my case
for entry into The Great Success.

42 years lie behind,
and Allah alone knows
how many lie ahead…
but all I have is this moment.

All I have
is
Now…